Devan Moonsamy 

The workplace is the space in which most of our time of our day is spent. The office has a wide variety of people with different qualities and personalities. We have the office watchdog, they will communicate every slight movement to the office manager. We have the unapathetic team members who are just trying to make it to Friday without any concern for their surroundings. But we also have the office bully. Their behaviour is the one that can severely get under our skin. The hostility they have when speaking can leave a terrible experience for us in the workplace. 

Hostile conversation starters are a sad reality of the working world. As much as individuals have grown to accept this as the nature of the person, the reality is that they have just accepted this person’s bully behaviour and believe it to be normal. Some of us might not allow this behaviour to get to us, as we try to be unemotional at work. Ultimately, we are human and our emotions can be triggered when we are spoken to in a manner that is unacceptable. 

Trying to ignore someone’s bully behaviour in the form of hostile negotiation rarely works. It can be difficult for some to ignore such behaviour. As a result, this will cause frustration and pent-up animosity to associate with this person. This will then cause issues for us in the workplace as we might not want to discuss decisions with this individual based on their behaviour. We might even give in to the office politics surrounding this person and chip in on how we have faced their hostility. 

But here’s the thing, comparing notes on how this person is being difficult will not solve the problem. It might make us feel better temporarily as we get to vent about our experience, but in reality, this does little to solve the problem. It is important to talk about a difficult negotiator’s behaviour but not in the form of gossip mongering. 

Often when a difficult person speaks to us with hostility we start to feel as if they are attacking us. But the moment we take time to think about it and stop taking their hostility personally, we can move forward in addressing the real issue behind their behaviour. This doesn’t imply that we need to council our office bully, but rather we need to take the correct approach to end toxicity instead of fuelling it. 

Let us look at how to manage hostile negotiators in the workplace

  • The most important point would have to be to remain calm. Often when an office bully is snapping or directing their hostility towards us, we tend to shut or feel triggered by this. They might be raising their voice just to get their point across. The aim is to move the conversation from a hostile one, to one that displays collaboration and joint decision making. When you find yourself in front of a hostile and irate conversation with a worker then you need to take steps to manage this. It is ok to want to close this conversation or ask the co-worker if we can reschedule this for another time. It might seem like you are giving the bully the upper hand and it can be very frustrating to have to be spoken to in this manner. Remember, it is perfectly fine to be frustrated. The aim of this activity is to remind us to manage our emotions better in these difficult situations, remaining calm is the key to this. 
  • Not all difficult negotiators are a bully. It is important to be able to know the difference between the difficult negotiator and an office bully. A difficult negotiator might be the person who is set in seeing things in the way they are comfortable with. A bully will go out of their way to make another person feel uncomfortable. If we know whether we are dealing with a difficult negotiator or a bully, we would be able to better see that not all negotiations are going to be successful. A difficult negotiation might not end in agreement. Sometimes we might just be on the opposite side of the coin. This would be a great time to refer to our contingency plans and rework our argument to find a common ground on the issue at hand. 
  • Remain firm in your own goal during the conversation. Once you stand your viewpoint and remain firm in your belief, negotiating with a difficult negotiator can become easier. If we are firm in our viewpoint, it will help us eliminate and manage the tense emotions that might arise when confronting a hostile negotiator. When we allow ourselves to succumb to a difficulty from a hostile negotiator there is a high chance of us making mistakes in our pitch. Instead let us maintain a calm voice, and seek clarity in the conversation by asking questions to help you better understand.

Devan Moonsamy is the CEO of ICHAF Training Institute, a South African Corporate Training Provider & National Learning Institute. He is the author of Racism, Classism, Sexism, And The Other ISMs That Divide Us, AND My Leadership Legacy Journal available from the ICHAF Training Institute. 

The ICHAF Training Institute offers SETA-approved training in business skills, computer use, and soft skills. Devan specialises in conflict and diversity management, and regularly conducts seminars on these issues for corporates. To book a seminar with Devan or for other training courses, please use the contact details below.

Tel: 011 262 2461 | 083 303 9159 |

Email: admin@ichaftraining.co.za devan@ichaftraining.co.za | 

Website: www.ichaftraining.co.za |  www.devan-moonsamy.com